Cure for a Sweet Tooth

You know when you haven't had chocolate in a while and you get cravings like no tomorrow?  I mean you turn into a crazy killer on the loose about to murder some warm melted bliss.  Well you have so much that you are passed out on the floor with a tummy ache and chocolate all over you face and hair.  This is the point where you don't want to look at another piece of candy for months.  Well this serial dater has a bit of a tummy ache.

When I started in the dating world I was this optimistic bubbly girl excited about the magic of true love and fairy tales.  Now dating is starting to feel like work.  I have become immune to excitment over a date, a cute guy or even a sweet gesture.  First dates are easy.  You can charm any guy on a first date and have a romantic evening.  The trouble is holding onto that initial spark. 

For all you guys out there...the 3 day rule was made up by a guy who is 40 and still lives in his parent's basement.  DON'T FOLLOW IT!!!  It will build suspense but also leave the girl saying "whatever...I am over it."  If you truly like a girl don't be afraid to tell a girl you enjoy her company and can't wait to see her again.  This will make her think about you without wanting to throw her phone against the wall.  Now don't text her "what are you doing?" three times a day but a nice good morning or how are you is always appreiciated. 

So not to worry avid followers, I am not giving up serial dating.  It would just be nice to go on a second date once in awhile.  So I am sure I will want sweets again soon...for now I am going to do chocolate lite but will have that craving again I guarantee it!

Date #5: Super Jew 5000

I finally decided to make my parents happy and date a male from the tribe of our ancestors…I dated a Jew!  We met at a Jewish frat party, which a guy invited me to in my accounting class because he said I needed to meet a nice Jewish boy.  I swear no matter who you are, if you are Jewish you turn into a matchmaker wanting Jewish babies to be created.  So I was at the party and talking to every guy trying to figure out first of all if Moses was their homeboy and second if they were worth getting to know.  I finally came across a 6’2 cutie that had a Mohawk, which was clearly growing out, a huge smile and a friendly demeanor.  Throughout the night I was making the rounds and somehow ended up talking to him again and again.  So with more hinting then I would have liked, he asked for my number.  For all you guys out there if a girl keeps smiling like a teenager around you and plays with her hair a lot, ask for her number, she is clearly hinting that she wants to go out with you and knows you will feel intimidated if she makes the first move.  Anyway we went out and it was fun but nothing special enough where I could see a future but I thought we could still be friends.  He ended up being just like Moses and would not take no for an answer and I ended up being convinced, somewhat afraid the plagues would start, that I could actually really like this guy…. this is when yet another mistake was made.  OY VEY!!  I went into a Disney princess movie singing original songs about true love and happily ever after when I should have realized one simple thing. 

MEN AREN’T PERFECT!!  Even if you have the most amazing romantic storybook date, be careful not to start planning your wedding and home décor quite yet.  Don’t confuse being sweet with being a perfect match; instead look at all aspects of the date whether good or bad.  Yes he may be tall, dark and handsome with a great sense of humor but he is also afraid of commitment and refuses to hold your hand in public.  These things can be turned around but it is not your job to fix every man that has an issue.  Truly analyze what you want and don’t settle because you are lonely or haven’t been held in awhile.  Trust me a shumk is not worth the schlep!

So here are some tips…. if you really like a guy delete his number from your phone right after the date.  No this doesn’t make you a female dog or means you don’t care…it is saving you from embarrassing yourself by making excuses why he is not texting you so you can text him even more.  This way if he doesn’t contact you, you know it wasn’t meant to be and you can get out with you dignity in tact.  Also don’t take it personally if you don’t ever hear from Mr. Wonderful.  It is not you, it’s him…yes that is not just a line…it’s true.  Sometimes no matter if you have the looks of Megan Fox and the personality of Drew Barrymore, if a guy is not ready to have a steady girl in his life, the relationship would go down hill anyway.  So keep your head held high and know that you are a smart, strong woman and you are sexy enough to be a serial dater.  After all the best remedy to being ignored is to be wined and dined by a new cutie.  So no I have not given up on finding my perfect sexy Jew but for now I am open to having fun with the goyim…at least until the family starts to realize they need some little additions to the tribe…thank Adonai I am only 21…MAZEL TOV!

Single on V-Day

That day is finally here…the day of red and pink roses, chocolates, oversized teddy bears and mushy love songs….it is Valentine’s Day.  Also known as annual splurge day or the day created by the greeting card companies for revenue.  Either way it is a day that creates the perfect romantic setting if you have a special someone and brings even more awareness to your love life if you are single.  So for all you single ladies out there, put away the Ben and Jerry’s and celebrate the fact that you are completely free to do whatever you want when ever you want.  So instead of scrambling for a date, know that as a serial dater you can get a date whenever you want.  With that in mind this valentines day I am going to forgo letting a random date schmooze me and I am going to see a movie with my girls!  It is the ultimate revenge on a pointless holiday.  I am going to look hot and say that for the one day where having a date is everything, I will be Miss Independent and that is the true nightlife of a serial dater.

Key to maintaining a dating status

To anyone wanting to embark on the strenuous and exciting journey of serial dating be forewarned that this road may be a lonely one.  I know being this sophisticated woman about town is the ideal life with glamour, amazing clothes and fancy drinks with ridiculous names, but at the end of the day none of those will make you matzo ball soup when you get sick.

So key of wisdom #1…don’t be afraid to say “I need my mommy.”  I promise wanting someone to give you a hug and tell you how stupid your actions are is not sissy, but a lie detector and Snuggie all rolled into one complete package.  Not only do you get some humble pie when having to admit someone else is right, but also you get the loving teddy bear that will never leave your side. 

Key of wisdom #2…get a best friend of the opposite sex.  I am not talking about a friend who you occasionally make out with when you are drunk, although those are nice sometimes.  No I am talking about an I need your advice, I want to eat like a pig, I don’t care if you see me without makeup friend.  You need a best gay!  I mean it!  Think of any great team out there….Grace has Will, Mercedes has Kurt and Snow White has seven little men…all you need is a bestie that bats for the other team to complete you dating trifecta.  If you still aren’t convinced imagine a fashion guru, boy shopper, fake date, sensitive cuddle buddy who is extremely blunt, won’t have a motive to get into your pants (at least not while you are wearing them) and will always notice what you wish a straight guy would.  Trust me, if you are ever feeling down go to a gay bar and you will be getting a slew of “girl you look fierce” and “I would so go straight for you” all night long.  Have no fear serial daters and aspiring serial daters out there, follow these 2 keys and you will be on your way to becoming a Sex in the City gal in no time!!!

Date #4: Downfall of a serial dater

The number one rule of serial dating is never ever, NEVER EVER get attached. All of the sudden the butterflies come in and you turn into a clingy pre pubescent girl who just got told a guy likes her for the first time. This sucks, trust me. It is best when dealing with the art of dating to never get that excited after a first date. Even if he looks like your favorite Ken doll growing up and has the charm of George Clooney, become to into him and he will split faster than your brother can rip off Ken’s head.
Meet Kevin, a 32-year-old teacher and photographer who is easy on the eyes and has the heart melting dimples that seem to be my kryptonite. We went out on a date and I wasn’t expecting too much but low and behold it was one of the best dates ever. We first went to an Asian restaurant, I say Asian because I am not sure if it was Chinese or Vietnamese, etc., which was delicious. We actually ordered almost the same meal, which is a clear sign from cupid that we are compatible. Then we decided to go to a movie, which is sweet, and then he said he wanted to see “No Strings Attached” which is even sweeter! I mean what guy actually enjoys chick flicks and is straight! I was sold and if that wasn’t enough while waiting for the movie we went to my favorite coffee shop and played cards for 2 hours!! The night ended with a sweet kiss and the hope of another magical meeting in the works soon…this is when I realized my downfall. I started to become the smitten stereotype you think only exists in movies. I became the dorky, fashion less, awkward girl that I spent all of high school and most of college thus far trying to steer clear of. This is when my subconscious decided to pay me a visit and I will graciously share that advice with all of you females readers out there.
So for all you ladies out there that would rather be the one saying “it’s over” rather than being stood up follow this simple tip. To date a man, date like a man. Confused are you? Well when you think of a guy dating he wants what is unobtainable and will settle for what is in front of him until the Greek goddess is his. The main point to be a successful serial dater is merely to not care. Sounds too easy to be true but it is the one thing that puts us on Venus and them on Mars. So for once in my life I am going to follow my own advice and cest la vie. I am a free spirit with fun and carefree drive on the mind and I am about to light up this town.

Date #3 Vegan Chapstick

What is the best remedy to get over a boyfriend? My strategy was by completely staying away from the male sex altogether. Yes, I had my moment of curiosity, a fixation on a different set of curves, a liking for something sweet. In the words of Katy Perry, “I kissed a girl and I liked it.”


I met the most adorable and intriguing woman I had ever laid eyes on at a coffee shop. She was flirtatious, feminine and had that edge that just make you want to know more. She was my invitation into a whole new world, the world of the vegan cuties that liked Katy’s song too. I was like a kid that took a trip to New York and went into the incredible 3-floored M & M wonderland store for the first time. All I could say was WOW! I felt like I was being accepted no questions asked. All of the sudden being her arm candy made me the desirable female on everyone’s mind. She made me feel worth something, like I didn’t have to dress up or have perfect hair to be sexy! Just when I thought I could go without the male race forever, I realized men and women aren’t as different as I was hoping. She suddenly stopped texting me and I found out through facebook again that she had a new girlfriend. Just my luck…thanks facebook for crushing my hopes and dreams…I guess I am straight after all.

Date #2 Mr. Invisible

I finally said yes to go on a date with a guy my age!  He seemed sweet and adorable...plus he was a business major so I knew he was smart!!  So I was supposed to meet him in front of the student union but he didn't show up...back to older guys!