Having a Heart

Every guy loves the fun girl.  You know the girl in the bar who is having a blast by herself, not caring what people think.  The girl who can walk up to any guy and introduce herself but doesn’t feel the need to be all over him all night.  She is the ideal male fantasy, but she is also not real.  Yes that night she is the best of both worlds.  The girl who is a blast to hang out with but you don’t have to call the next day and she will still hang out again.  The problem is that this girl also has a heart. 

Men and women are DIFFERENT!!!  Heck even all women are different.  You can’t think what you would do in a situation and assume she will be thinking the same thing.  While men are fairly simple; we don’t call because we truly are busy, I really do have other plans and I need to just have a night alone.  Women will analyze every text, message, conversation and action.  We don’t even mean to, it is just the way we are made.  So while the girl is having a great time in the bar, continue seeing her and she will start trying to figure things out.

How do we solve these differences?  Well women don’t overanalyze.  If you are truly ready to date a guy make sure you are secure enough in your life and yourself to not look into his every move.  Define yourself, don’t let a guy define you.  Also never be afraid to just say I need to be alone to figure out what I want.  This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, it is just a natural stage of life.  Now for the guys, all you have to do is be honest.  Don’t worry about hurting a girl, by being honest you will lessen the heartbreak.  If you are really not that interested don’t lead her on because you are afraid of hurting her feelings, it hurts more when she gets her hopes up. 

So I am going to focus on me for a little bit…who knows maybe I truly will find my knight in shining armor when I least expect it.

Taking a Break

So it has been almost 3 months since I started entertaining the world with stories of funny dates and witty realizations, but the time has come to start taking things seriously.  The truth is that writing about being stood up and rejected has made me look on the bright side of the situation but i can't ignore the pain anymore.  The time has come for this serial dater to reevaluate.  So here is the new challange...not date for the whole summer.  It is going to be hard but a much needed change.  So wish me luck...more updates will be coming soon.

Date #10: Running Full Force Toward Fate

There are signs when dating a guy that clearly outline how the events of the relationship will go.  First of all, if a guy cancels on you for any reason and does not automatically reschedule, red flag.  If he texts you and sounds a little less than enthused to be talking to you, red flag.  If he mentions wanting a relationship and being confused in the same sentence, red flag.  If only I caught these rd flags right away.  I decided to go out with this guy who looked like a nerd version of Justin Timberlake.  He was sweet, seemed genuine and took me on one of the most entertaining dates I have ever been on!  A little note for all you guys out there, the overly romantic thing is nice occasionally, so is the typical movie and dinner.  However, if you really want to capture a girl’s heart take her bowling and to a carnival.  You get to be the hero by winning her a prize and get to show her your skills as well as touch her by teaching bowling techniques.  So I was supposed to go on a third date with this guy and was seriously thinking about whether I wanted to give up my fabulous life of dating, excitement and freedom up.  He ended up calling me and saying that he didn’t think we should talk or see each other again without any real explanation.  So here I was Thursday night with no date and nothing to do, until I remembered the night before I went on a date and he invited me to a get together with his friends tonight.  I texted him and thought at least I wouldn’t be alone tonight.  Little did I realize but that one night would change my outlook completely.  One night full of beer pong, flip cup and homemade movies made me finally grasp that this was the guy I was willing to completely commit to.  There was no pondering the pros and cons of committing.  There was no worrying about losing my freedom by dating one guy and one guy alone.  There only was the feeling of belonging.  Now I can’t say that he is the one or even if we will end up in a relationship, but what I do know is I can be myself around him and that is an amazing start. 

So no worries avid readers, I am still going to be a serial dater for at least a little bit longer and even after that I promise to give you all the juicy details of dating dos and don’ts.  There just may be some relationship advice thrown in.  So the lesson of the day is the best things will happen when you least expect it. So have fun, live life to the fullest and you will be blessed with prince charming even if it takes you being stood up to realize it.

The R Word

From the beginning we have been taught that we find someone we have an interest in, we date them, we get in a relationship, we get married, we start a family and then the circle of life starts all over again.  This has been true for centuries but with times changing and the methods of meeting people becoming less traditional, why can’t we change the way we think about the R word?  We need to dissect RELATIONSHIPS.

First we must look at the anatomy of the relationship.  It starts one morning in bed when your brain starts to trigger signals telling you that you are alone.  The brain then sends a key to the heart unlocking it and allowing some fresh air into the resting chamber.  You go out and date around and a wall of post-its go on the bulletin boards of your brain until one slips to your heart and the door closes again making it official that you and this other person are one complete unit. 

This is the typical process but what if you meet someone online, through speed dating, using a matchmaking service or by going out to a bar.  These aren’t typical dating scenarios so why are we trying to make relationships stay the same?  I advice viewing relationships differently.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with one person and start a life together but the first steps to that need to be slightly revised.

First mistake is when someone says they are looking for a relationship.  This automatically puts pressure on having to know whether by the second date if it will lead to marriage or not.  Instead, view it as I am going out with this person because I enjoy their company and want to be around them more.  This takes the pressure off and makes everything flow more naturally.  The next and biggest mistake is excess communication.  Everyone needs their own life and to be able to have “me” time.  Allow the other person to miss you because the time you both are apart is the time when you will truly become aware of your feelings.  Now don’t get me wrong, I still don’t believe in the 3-day rule, but just live your life and when you feel you want to see how the other person is doing or share a funny story that happened during the day, go ahead and do that. 

So I am not saying I am about to settle down and stop my serial dating ways anytime soon, but I love good company and will continue to strive to find it!