The R Word

From the beginning we have been taught that we find someone we have an interest in, we date them, we get in a relationship, we get married, we start a family and then the circle of life starts all over again.  This has been true for centuries but with times changing and the methods of meeting people becoming less traditional, why can’t we change the way we think about the R word?  We need to dissect RELATIONSHIPS.

First we must look at the anatomy of the relationship.  It starts one morning in bed when your brain starts to trigger signals telling you that you are alone.  The brain then sends a key to the heart unlocking it and allowing some fresh air into the resting chamber.  You go out and date around and a wall of post-its go on the bulletin boards of your brain until one slips to your heart and the door closes again making it official that you and this other person are one complete unit. 

This is the typical process but what if you meet someone online, through speed dating, using a matchmaking service or by going out to a bar.  These aren’t typical dating scenarios so why are we trying to make relationships stay the same?  I advice viewing relationships differently.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with one person and start a life together but the first steps to that need to be slightly revised.

First mistake is when someone says they are looking for a relationship.  This automatically puts pressure on having to know whether by the second date if it will lead to marriage or not.  Instead, view it as I am going out with this person because I enjoy their company and want to be around them more.  This takes the pressure off and makes everything flow more naturally.  The next and biggest mistake is excess communication.  Everyone needs their own life and to be able to have “me” time.  Allow the other person to miss you because the time you both are apart is the time when you will truly become aware of your feelings.  Now don’t get me wrong, I still don’t believe in the 3-day rule, but just live your life and when you feel you want to see how the other person is doing or share a funny story that happened during the day, go ahead and do that. 

So I am not saying I am about to settle down and stop my serial dating ways anytime soon, but I love good company and will continue to strive to find it!