????? at First Sight

There are those out there who believe in love at first sight.  There are others who believe these cliches are for the dogs.  What I believe is a healthy balance is the perfect and most unattainable solution.  Let's be honest here.  If you see an a woman who looks like Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider or a man looking like Brad Pitt in Fight Club, you are going to want to ride that ferris wheel for at least a few go-arounds.  The thing to look for is if it's love, lust or fascination?  As a girl who enjoys a good chick flick, I want to believe the longing glare at a crowded bar will lead to a happily ever after.  But after you take away the pretty music and slow motion, you are stuck with a smoke filled bar complete with men dancing with the zipper of their pants leading the tango straight to your back pocket and women's dresses getting caught in fish hooks leading towards the ceiling.  So what do you look for?  I mean all these dating shows and magazines tell you tips and but who the heck tells you what to do?  Have no fear your dating wonder women is here.  What qualifies me as this hero to the dating world you ask?  Well as a dating train wreck myself, I have learned a great amount about what not to do in order to let you know what to do!  So here are my words of wisdom so far, STOP BEING A JUDGMENTAL BIZNATCH!!!  I know that was harsh but in order to heal from your dating wounds, you need to rip off the lies like a band-aid.  It doesn't have to be judging based on looks or wealth. It could be as simple as assuming since a guy seemed sweet and harmless as first you won't get hurt.  Or because a guy is quiet and doesn't tell you that you are god's gift, that he is boring and not worth your time.  Patience is truly a virtue.  A very long and hard virtue but completely worth it in the long run.  Take it from a girl who is bleeding from biting her tongue too many times that good things come in the wrapping paper you would never pick out for yourself.  Give a guy a chance to show you he wants you and eventually you will hear the one thing you really want to hear....

The Single Train

So the hot guy fantasy ended up being just that, a fantasy.  For some reason because he looked like a Disney prince and seemed agreeable to try new things, I made Tarzan out to be Prince William (minus the balding).  Trust me when I say Tarzan I am referring to a caveman because this sexy man grunts.  I am not kidding!  Every time we would make out, he would back away, stare at me and then grunt with a deep, short sound of approval.  If that weren’t enough to make me want to leave the jungle, he would walk ahead of me constantly, pet my leg as if it were a dog when he was stressed and kiss me like I was a fish he needed to resuscitate.  Once again I made a big mistake.  The same mistake that every girl make whether they want to believe it or not.  What happens when we are so uncomfortable being alone in a world that seems virtually paired off, that we jump at the chance to have a companion? 

Well the answer is simple; we find the horse drawn carriage with the crash test dummy inside.  If not being alone is our main motivation for finding a partner, then we better prepare for a long, lonely journey ahead.  They say that love always happens when you least expect it.  So ladies stop not expecting it!  By saying you are not going to expect it and you are going to focus on you, you are just giving yourself permission to subconsciously expect something.  With that being said, here is the love in my tough love rant.  Don’t focus on yourself but a new project that makes you happy.  This way you are tricking your brain into thinking you are just creating a new past time when in reality you are finding yourself. 

With the end of summer approaching and relationship season beginning, be proud to be on the single train.  After all, you could reach an amazing destination when you least expect it.

Blast to the Past

So I have been bitten by a bug.  This tiny, almost invisible creature has turned me back into a giddy, overly talkative, nervous teen and I have a new crush. 

From the perspective of my 16-year-old self:

Trust me I am not lying when I say he is only the hottest guy in school.  Tall, creamy olive skin, bright green eyes, dimples that make you weak in the knees and a smile that would make even Elvis himself swoon.  Plus, he Is a foreign exchange student from Canada!!  I mean how hot is that!!  He even has an accent!!  If that wasn’t enough, the dreamboat asked me to the prom!  I am still waiting to wake up from this wonderful dream…the most gorgeous specimen I have ever laid eyes on skipped over the cheerleaders, the dance team and the cute overachievers to ask out the drama nerd.  OMG!

The funny thing is it is five years later and for some reason this one guy has made me feel like that frizzy haired, nerdy girl all over again.  I have found myself bringing him up in conversation by remembering some topic of interest we shared.  I mean I actually get butterflies with him.  Well as much as I secretly wish life would end up like a 80s chick flick, all I can do is wish for the best.  So Mr. Charming, please be nice and give the nerd a chance?

The Reality of a Dream

The typical sappy click flick always portrays a guy who is incredibly good looking but still modest and a girl who is sweet but passive in telling the hunk how she feels about him.  This however results in the guy suddenly realizing he is lost without the girl who has been there all along and right before she moves on with her life, he sweeps her ff her feet and they live happily ever after.  Now I used to dream about the day my best guy friend would realize that I was the right girl for him but after 8 years of having a romantic relationship in my blissful imagination, I realized that only the first part of the movie is true.  The chances are that you will not get the most popular guy in school or the guy that every girl is head over heels for.  What is true is that the more you stress over what is wrong with you, the more you will forget to stop and smell the roses.  So instead of zoning out in class to daydream about you and Freddy Prince Jr. in “She’s All That,” actually pay attention in class and look next to you at the friend that deserves your energy.  The second you figure out what and who is important…well let’s just say life has a way of surprising you when you least expect it ;)

Summer Lovin

So I have taken 2 months off from writing about my dating adventures and I have to say these have been an eventful 2 months.  I started dating one of my best friends, considered just having a sugar daddy, met a guy with horse teeth and found a gorgeous man who got me to say about like a canadian!  Every time I say I am going to not date and focus on myself I end up being sucked back in by a tall dark and handsome man whose kiss makes me weak in the knees.  So I am not making any plans....i am just going to lean on friends and see where life takes me.  After all isn't the journey half the fun of getting there?

The Chase

Dear readers,

I have a confession to make...I have considered dating again.  I know I was going to take the summer to just focus on me but who says I can't have a little fun as well.  Although the brief time off did give me insight into the thrill of the chase.  See every girl secretly wants to be the one that the guy will change for but what we have to realize is a guy will change because she inspires him to be a better person, not because she has changed him.  You can't change a person, only influence their lives. 

So with this in mind I have realized that I go for all these jerks because the chase is fun.  The guy that won't give any girl the time of day is the one you want to want you so you can teach him a lesson.  The only problem is no matter how hard you try you cannot be a different person.  As much as I can be this tough confident serial dater, I am still a nuturing, sweet mama bear.  All you honestly have to do is stay true to yourself and if they don't like it then you know you didn't waste your time!

You see I have been inspired...it is amazing that in only a few short days someone has come out of nowhere to alter my path.  Who is this mystery man you ask?  Well I guess you will have to just stay tuned to find out...

Having a Heart

Every guy loves the fun girl.  You know the girl in the bar who is having a blast by herself, not caring what people think.  The girl who can walk up to any guy and introduce herself but doesn’t feel the need to be all over him all night.  She is the ideal male fantasy, but she is also not real.  Yes that night she is the best of both worlds.  The girl who is a blast to hang out with but you don’t have to call the next day and she will still hang out again.  The problem is that this girl also has a heart. 

Men and women are DIFFERENT!!!  Heck even all women are different.  You can’t think what you would do in a situation and assume she will be thinking the same thing.  While men are fairly simple; we don’t call because we truly are busy, I really do have other plans and I need to just have a night alone.  Women will analyze every text, message, conversation and action.  We don’t even mean to, it is just the way we are made.  So while the girl is having a great time in the bar, continue seeing her and she will start trying to figure things out.

How do we solve these differences?  Well women don’t overanalyze.  If you are truly ready to date a guy make sure you are secure enough in your life and yourself to not look into his every move.  Define yourself, don’t let a guy define you.  Also never be afraid to just say I need to be alone to figure out what I want.  This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, it is just a natural stage of life.  Now for the guys, all you have to do is be honest.  Don’t worry about hurting a girl, by being honest you will lessen the heartbreak.  If you are really not that interested don’t lead her on because you are afraid of hurting her feelings, it hurts more when she gets her hopes up. 

So I am going to focus on me for a little bit…who knows maybe I truly will find my knight in shining armor when I least expect it.