Date #9: Toy Soldier

This weekend I truly had an eye-opening experience.  I went out to the club with two of my roommates and four of my roommate’s friends, so it was a true girls night out.  Well we all started at the bar and got a drink, but after a couple I got bored and went to the dance floor to brave the sea of sweaty bodies alone.  I started dancing and turned my radar on to find the cutest guy there and walk right up to him in order to claim him as my life size Ken doll for the night.  I spotted this one guy who looked a little tipsy but sober enough to get a good dance out of.  Well after a few attempts of trying to dance with him and him being rhythm deficient and clearly more interested in the bromance with the guy next to him, I gave up.  At this point when a sexy moron rejects you all you can do is get it on with your bad self and dance like no one is watching.  I was shaking it like a saltshaker when I look to my right and see this guy who at first glace I would come to the conclusion that he was a badass.  He had a shaved head, strong jaw and sleeves of tattoos on his arms.  I figured I didn’t need to get rejected my another ass so I kept dancing alone until I saw him smile and all of the sudden he turned into this sweet little boy who just got a kiss from his first crush.  So I thought what the heck and started to dance with him, and dance with him and an hour later I was still dancing with him.  I probably would have danced with him longer but my roommate tapped my shoulder and informed me we were going to relocate for the rest of the night.  I told him reluctantly I had to leave and he said he would come with me.  The rest of the night he was holding my hand, kissing my cheek and proving me wrong every second of my initial judgment of him.  So he got my number and asked me to hang out the next evening! 

Before we continue there is a very important fact you need to know about him.  He is in a special force group of the army and this was his last weekend in Reno before he went back to his base in Tennessee.  

Anyway we hung out the next night and it was going amazing.  He was as sweet as ever and even ditched his buddies for me.  This is where I became aware of exactly what army wives, fiancés and girlfriends go through.  In the middle of the date he got a text and told me he had to take me home.  I learned later that he was called into a briefing and found out he had to leave in an hour on a mission.  I was in shock.  I mean I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him and had no clue when I would see him again.

So the lesson here is don’t assume someone is going to be a certain way based on their appearance.  I got the most amazing experience with a man I was about to write off because he had tattoos.  Give every guy a fair chance and it is okay if you don’t pursue someone because the attraction isn’t there, but if it is and you think they might be a douchebag, just talk to him and really figure it out.  You might be in for spicy surprise.

Date #8: Myth of the Type

 So when someone asks you, “what is your type?” what do you say?  Do you describe his appearance first?  His wonderful sense of humor?  His relationship with his family?  This concept of being able to describe your perfect mate, not knowing if they actually exist or not, has always baffled me.  If only there was a database to type in what exactly you wanted down to the exact shoe size, life would be so much easier, right?  I went on a dating site a couple months ago to research this concept.  If I can type in every detail of a man I should get my perfect match.  The funny thing is that what you want in a guy isn’t always what you need in a guy.  As a technologically advanced generation, we seek quick fixes, instant gratification, and initial bliss.  I was one of these people until I met Andrew, a Persian Jew from Los Angeles.  I met him by finally giving in to my parent’s wishes and joining the Mecca of Jewish dating sites…Jdate.  Although as a struggling college student I can’t afford to pay for it so I can only view profiles and accept instant messages when I am online.  Well low and behold I got an IM invitation from Andrew and that is where it all started.  He was completely different from what I considered to be my type but somehow I felt like he was the kind of guy I needed in my life.  No drama, no emotional baggage, no stress.  He was very intelligent and sweet and although I didn’t have the initial feeling of I want to make out with you here and now, it was even better because I was so attracted to him and still felt like I was worthwhile enough to have him.  I am still not sure where we are going as far as a future but this is my advice to all of you.

If a guy or girl approaches you, don’t blow them off right away because you are not wildly attracted to them.  Looks eventually fade anyhow and as you get to know them they can become more attractive to you anyway.  If a guy is worth your time he will do anything to be with you and see you happy.  So for now I am not jumping to any conclusions but he is flying 2 hours to visit me for a couple days and I can’t wait!!

Turning the Head

"Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants."

This is the most valuable advice I have heard, and it was in a movie about a Greek wedding.  Dating is a tricky board game filled with twists and turns but in the end you will always get to your destination...or you lose and just play again.  So for this post let's say girls are the shinny car and men are the big boot in Monopoly.  The boot stares at the car every day...he wants to touch her...drive her...have her.  The shinny car looks amazing from afar.  Finally the boot saves up enough change to take the car out for a spin.  He walks up to the car and is in complete awe until he realizes she has a dent.  Nothing big but it is in the front so people might notice.  Then she revs up her engine to purr like catwoman and he has to get and try her out.  Everyday after that he tests her out and finds one more thing that he likes until he eventually buys the car...game over!!!!   What does this have to do with dating you ask?  Well the key is to not reveal too much of yourself right up front.  If a guys asks “how are you?” in attempts to chat, don't start going on about your stressful day...if you had a rough day merely say "a little stressful, but that just means I need even more to meet someone to take the edge off."  This gives him an automatic in to want to save his pennies to buy your car.  

Now I hate stereotypes as much as the next person, but the bottom line is that men are the hunters and unless they have a bit of a chase to wear them down a little bit, they won't care enough to really try.  Here is where turning the head comes in.  You are a strong, independent, sophisticated, smart and sexy female.  You know what you want before a guy can get up the courage to ask for your number...so help him figure it out one digit at a time.  You can slowly progress the relationship along but make him think he is pursuing you.  For example if you want to see him but not seem like you are asking him out, hint there is a new restaurant he would like or a new movie he would love to see.  It puts the idea in his head and now he needs a date.  Mission Accomplished!!  

Lastly, just remember that most men are terrified of commitment.  This means if you start talking about the future too soon, he will run for the hills.  You need to make sure he is falling a little faster than you are. This way when he finally says he wants you to be exclusive, you know he means it rather than giving into pressure.  

Ladies, don't settle for anyone but Mr. Right!  Live your life, have fun, go out with the girls and when the right guy comes along make him fight for you!  Until then being a serial dater is not a bad alternative.  Hey at least you can find out what you don't want ;)

Date #7: Cougar Bait

I have often wondered about the draw of a younger man.  The reason Demi transformed for Ashton, how Taye got Stella her groove back and why the entire cast of Desperate Housewives got jiggy with it.  I needed to find out for myself and go into a land that I was unfamiliar with.  It was time to ditch the sexy sugar daddies and go into the wild jungles of the cougars.  According to About.com, a cougar is a women ages 35 and up who prays on men with a minimum of a 10-year age difference.  Okay you caught me...I can't technically be a cougar because in order to date younger guy the biggest age difference is three years or it is illegal...but gosh darn it I wanted to at least give it a shot.

Meet my spanish pool boy Eduardo.  A 19-year old surfer and model from sunny southern cali!  I had picked a perfect candidate...younger, hot, tan, dresses well and has a hot spot for older women.  We went out on a date and I felt like I was so cool, so sexy and so OLD.  Geez!!  I mean I felt like I needed to ask his parents permission to even bring up certain topics of conversation.  This is a classic case of the boy in the magazine...they are so pretty to stare at and your mind can wander off into the land of his ab creases against your finger tips...but as soon as you see an interview with him, the fantasy goes from 60 to zero in 3 seconds.  When people say children should be seen and not heard, they are referring to you pretty boy with an IQ of 25...use what you have and don't try to be anything else.

As much as these youngsters are not for me, I feel it is my civic duty to help all the single ladies who want a play toy to help them clear their minds.  So here is two tips when trying to snag a cub. Number 1: Make him feel mature.  If a boy is talking to a woman at least a few years his senior he wants to impress her with his mature nature....so if he doesn't get any of the references you bring up just let it go.  Number 2: Never respond to a one or two-word text message.  If he responds with "haha yeah" or "sounds good" or "idk when" put down the phone and wait for him to get the hint that he needs to continue on the conversation in order to get on your good side.  Cougar bait cubs need to be trained to follow orders but the plus is that they are already potty trained and tend to cave in easily.

So I can say I have tried the younger man and I think I will stick to the more mature males...at least until I am 35!

The Journey Thus Far

When I started this journey of serial dating, my main objective was to get over my ex...but as the first month of the path has flown by, I realize that I understand him now more then ever.  The reason we didn't work out was not because he was an ass or I was too clingy but merely we were too much alike.  When I met Jason I had just gotten out of a long strenuous relationship and attached onto Jason becasue I felt safe and comfortable.  Staying in my comfort zone made me settle and accept things the way they were.  When we met we were both going through a change and the process of self-discovery that comes with it.  That internal look into the depths of who we are led to long drawn out heartbreak and individual triumphs but still nothing in the cards that read we should be together.

I can honestly say for the first time in a long time that I am truly happy.  I no longer need to have male attention around me 24/7 but find it nice to have company from time to time....which for me is once a week...I am still a dating machine after all.  I have learned to take each date and each experience for what it is and not try to force it to be something else.  Yes I have had some amazing dates and some not so great ones, but at the end of a day each date, each guy has helped me reassue myself that I am a strong person who doesn't need to force herself on anyone.  And so with one month down and who knows how many to go, I want to say just one thing, thank you. 

Thank you to all of you who read my blog and tell me it makes you smile, thank you to all the guys who have taught me so much about life, thank you to those of you who have stuck by my side through all the hard times and most of all thank you to Jason...you are the reason I started this blog and the reason I have finally settled into the person I am today.

As for what is to come for a single woman on the prowl...well there is a lot more living to do and a lot more stories to tell.  Stay tuned because the best is yet to come!!

Date #6: Myth of a Bad Boy

“Just to let you know, I am an asshole.”  This was the pick up line that was used to engage my interest into the suave tall, dark and handsome man who wanted to dance at the club.  I am not sure if this line works on most girls but when I hear that a guy is a douchebag right out of the gate, my initial reaction is to run for the hills and not look back.  I decided he would be fun to banter with and following a few witty remarks back and forth and him clearly seeing that the bad boy act was not working, he started into the story of how he was trying to be better and how ashamed he is of his past endeavors.  This is when I realized that everything they say about the hot mysterious rebel is wrong. 

So for all you girls who want the badass follow these simple tips:

1.     1.  They are not as badass as they seem.  They give off this vibe of being unobtainable so that the females will try harder to get them therefore making the chase for them easy.  So what you do is talk to them like a normal person without being overly flirtatious or laughing like a hyena at all their jokes.

2.     2.  Never ask for their number or volunteer yours.  If a guy, especially a rebel wants to pursue you he will find a way to. 

3.    3.   Don’t worry about it.  If he doesn’t go though all the odds of the universe to try to pursue you, don’t worry about it.  Just know that he wasn’t worth your time anyway and he saved you a whole lot of heartache in the end.

4.   4.    Nice guys are sexy too!  I know the mystery of the bad boy is what makes you want them more than anything but in the end you will still be alone.  Give a nice guy a shot!  You may be surprised how sexy a caring, sweet man can be.

So the “asshole” who initially just viewed me as another conquest is still texting me but we will see if I will bite the bait or not.  This serial dater has found the secret to the bad boys and still has more research to do!